LOVE

Us @ Meike's house. Taken @ Leon 10 months 2 weeks old

Leon will soon turn 11 months. I only realised that his first birthday is approaching soon when I chat with a friend recently(Can you believe it?!!) This wobbly almost-toddler is now showing plenty of signs of leaving his babyhood behind and is going to turn himself to a more independent toddler!

Apart from the pride and joy I feel when our little curious Leon stands on his own, there's a whole new world of worry at the same time. He will simply get into a lot more troubles just in the blink of an eye. He will simply walk out of my sight to explore almost every corner of the house and create troubles! I know when he silently stays in the bed room he must be trying to get hold of my books from the shelf and when he sneaks into kitchen alone I know he will attack his designated drawer and grab his "toys" (I stocked up a lot of empty tupperwares in the kitchen's cupboard so that he can spend time with them while I washing a few plates or preparing food)

He is also learning very hard to communicate, he grumbles a lot on his own and then shouting or screaming MA MA MA MA PA PA PA PA ZE ZE ZE ZE AHR AHR AHR....He is anxiously trying to communicate to us and sometimes when he grumbles you can even tell that he is complaining and showing off his dissatisfaction!! There's time when my handphone alarm rang and he thinks that the phone is ringing and will just stand near to the phone, keep looking at it and looking at me at the same time and starts to YI YI AH AH as if asking me to pick up the phone immediately (I think he might have thought that pa pa is calling.....)Kid's power can never be underestimated! ;)

There are days where he can be very temperamental, easily frustrated and inconsolable especially when I don't understand what he is trying to tell. So he ends up spend almost every one hour crying, shouting or screaming at me!

The worst is he wants me to stay with him almost at ALL times, and that I have to constantly talk to him, think of new tricks/ games to play with him. He yells and calls me out wherever he can't reach anything or wherever he gets bored with his toys. He follows me almost everywhere I go or else he wails and calls me out whenever I am out of his sight. Sometimes he clings onto my pants and stop me from leaving him. And of no choice I have to pile up my house chores.

When he throws his tantrum he shouts into my ear and it is terribly hurt. I've been trying patiently to talk to him, telling him "Don't SHOUT" cuddles him, pat him,give him food, try out funny faces...all that you can think of. BUT no use at all as there seems to just no way to soothe him when he tunes himself into his downtime mode.

This happens on and on and on through out the day. And I am stay at home alone with him almost 10-12 hours a day, it seems like everything I do can't pleased him at all. He simply become a little monster to keep shouting and shouting at fricking hours. I must admit that his tears, crying, screaming really drives me up to the wall...

Sometimes I really feel like bashing my head against a wall and just wish to call my hubby telling him that I can't stay around and face this monster and asking him to be home soon. By the end of the day when hubby finally came back from work, I have no time to dress myself up and I have no mood to do so too. I am not just totally exhausted. I am tense, lonely, helpless and sometimes in tears.... I don't want my little one shouting at me. I don’t want to stay home and to be shouting by my loved one. I have no mood to cook any food. I don't want to do any cleaning. All I want to do is just to run away for hours and I may be back afresh....

Can you imagine the life of a stay-at-home mom is so awful!! But thanks to hubby as he always like to remind me this "Hey, how long do you think he would want to stay by your side argh!!???"

YES - no matter what this little monster has done, the moment he shows his big sweet smiles and clings onto my arm my heart immediately melts.The way he expresses his love conquering wholly into my soul.The way he expresses his love conquering wholly into my soul. Nothing can beat unconditional love to your loved ones.

The feeling of sweetness has over filled my heart and topped with a very deep sense of contentment. I guessed that's the beauty of becoming parents!

While writing this at 10pm, hubby is still not home yet. He's unusually late but I just spoken to him half and hour ago and he is still working hard on his business proposal. While waiting for him to be home, I just sneaked into our bed room to watch the little monster. He looks so tame now and sleeps very soundly and perhaps happily. I can hear him breathing calmly too. Just wonder what he is dreaming of in his little wonderland...